Friday, February 19, 2010

Then and Now

I suppose it's probably beneficial to my mental health to gauge how far I've come rather than bash my self-esteem and complain about how bad I'm doing right NOW.

I've decided that I want to get to 143lbs exactly for now.  I would still be in the "overweight" category but that means I will have lost 100lbs.  100 FREAKING POUNDS on a girl who is only 5'2"!!!  Wouldn't that be cool if I could say "Oh, I lost 100lbs."  Yeah.  It would be. 

Highest weight: 243lbs ("Morbidly obese")
Lowest Weight: 184.4lbs ("Obese")
Current Weight: 190.2lbs (Still "obese")
2010 Goal: 160lbs (Puts me in the "overweight" category, and out of the "obese" category.)
Just Because Goal: 143lbs (At the lower end of the "overweight" category.)
"Healthy Weight" Goal: 130lbs (Puts me in the "healthy weight" range for my BMI.)

This was *barfs*  I think I was 225-230 here.  It's SO weird because I did NOT feel that big at all.  I mean - we won't go into the things I could and couldn't reach on my own body at this point...but MAN, you never realize it...

  This was me sometime during summer 2009.

This was Fall 2009. Not much different.  I think I was just wearing bigger pants.

This is me today. I actually WEIGH more than I did in Fall 2009.  But with all the cardio I'm getting a little more toned.  I look kinda weirdly pregnant in the side photo.  Meh.

So there you have it. Since Brad and I don't live in the same town right now, it's obviously pointless to be charting, doing ovulation tests, etc... Therefore (and this post is coming soon) I am working on MYSELF. Sucking it up and realizing that I have PCOS and infertility because I am TOO FAT. That's it. I need to realize it. Anyone who is TTC with PCOS and is overweight also needs to realize it.  Taking tons of pills, injecting ourselves, etc...etc... isn't the FIRST thing we need to be doing.  We need to get to a healthier weight first.  It sucks, but it's a simple idea that only requires one thing - DISCIPLINE! 

Sorry for the angry rough-talk.  It's just that when you KNOW what you need to do, yet lack the will and strength to do it, it gets frustrating.  It's not like I'm laying on the couch eating cake all day (okay like 1% of the time I will do that...) but I'm not Going Nazi or anything.

And that is my next post.  :D


  1. Aw, I think you are adorable and congratulations on being at your best right now! I'm also dealing with infertility because of weight gain (supposedly, I am yet to get another diagnosis) and I've lost 10 pounds since January... hoping to lose another 10 in the next 7 weeks. We can do it!! :)

  2. Congratulations April, you've been doing such an awesome job and are looking really good! :-D Keep going strong and you'll accomplish your goals!

    I know how what you mean though about not realising your own size. I've been overweight and dropped a couple dress sizes doing the diet and exercise thing. Looking back at the photos and my state of mind I just didn't see how big I was getting and how I managed to make myself believe the excuses for why my clothes didn't fit the way they used to and why I couldn't keep up in training. (Yeah I told myself everything from anaemia to a rare lung disorder). LMAO!

    Anyhow, RESPECT for taking control of your life again!

  3. I totally agree about losing weight BEFORE doing anything else for infertility! My highest was 180-185ish and I've managed, through freaking HARD work (exercise and diet) to lose 20lbs. It was the best thing I could ever do for myself. I still need to lose about 15-20 but I feel so much better now than I did then.
    Good for you on the weight loss! :)

  4. you look AMAZING!!! If you've made it this far you can make your final goal!

  5. You look amazing, girl :) Awesome job!

    I keep telling myself I need to really try harder on losing the weight, but I can say that I don't have much discipline. *lol* I'm honest about it. I had surgery done at 275, and now I'm around 235 after a year and a half. I'm still a big ol'bootied girl, but just tha tbit of weight lost is worth it so far.

    Just gotta keep on truckin' along! :)

  6. Those are VERY realistic goals. Good for you!

    I have that same pink shirt!!

    I'm at 145 and my goal was/is 130, like you. One thing I realized, though, is that at some point in life trying to get to that super healthy perfect weight is just not worth the effort. So, I'm staying at 145 and hoping to make it down to 140. Eventually. Healthy AND manageable is a good thing, no?

  7. April,

    I completely know what you are going through. I'm on my own weight loss journey with PCOS and doing a very restrictive diet. So far I've lost 17 lbs and know how hard it is.

    You can do this!!!


Thanks so much for your support!