Ahhh Clomid...

Up to this point, I have been very fortunate on my measly 50mgs of Clomid. No real side effects to speak of....some minor headaches, VERY minor hot flashes...but that's about it. I wouldn't have noticed if I weren't so "in tune" with my body now that I'm paying attention to ever grumble, twinge, pain, and tingle. The doc bumped me up to 100mgs, and I took my last dose yesterday. (Today is CD 10.)

I was prepared to have a complete mental breakdown this cycle - so when Brad and I got into a fight a few days ago, and I felt like I wanted to take a knife to his abdomen, I tried to calm myself down as I knew it was a result of the Clomid. Thankfully, while we were fighting he crept away in slight fear, but mostly confusion as I simmered in the house alone. I've been mad at him before (VERY mad) but I never felt physical pain from the anxiety and rage. My heart felt like it was going to choke me, my brain was so foggy I couldn't think. My chest hurt for a good 20 minutes later. I was too mad to throw anything, scream, or cry - but mostly mad because I knew my feelings weren't legitimate even though they felt so "real." Anyway, I wrote Brad an evil letter....then later we both laughed at it. I think I handled it pretty well - and it's the only "episode" I had.

I feel a lot more action from my ovaries, but in small waves. Little twinges of pain here and there as those follies develop. Lots of action is coming from leftie this cycle. Not much from rightie. Last cycle rightie was the active one, and the cycle before that leftie was being a total B word and a cyst ruptured. So definitely more noticeable.

The last and most horribly devastating side effect is my baldness. Okay, not really. But the other day I was looking in the mirror and I noticed that my hair in my "bangs" area was looking a little sparse. I figured it was just the way my hair was styled or something and passed it off. Then a few days later, I had my hair up and Brad said "are you going BALD??"....of course half joking, but half serious...he also passed it off as my hair style. But upon later inspection I realized my hair IS thinning!!! OMG!!!! And my formerly few chin hairs crept up from like 5 hairs...then up to 10....then like 20!!!! What is going on? I thought weight loss, metformin, and Clomid were supposed to HELP with this stuff?? I read that Clomid can cause alopecia (hair loss) in less than like .1% of women. Gee. Awesome. But it's reversible, so as soon as I'm off it it will thicken up again.

I am also taking the D-Chiro Inositol that I got from ChiralBalance.com. I haven't noticed any change in my hair...other than well...the fact that the OPPOSITE of what should be happening, is happening. Who knows...maybe the little capsules are filled with cornstarch?? I have to open them up and take the DCI in powder form. It tastes a little like sugar. But I've only been on it for about a week and they said it takes a few months...

Anyway. It's Cycle #3, and were are on day 10. I still have about 10 days until I ovulate or need to worry about it. That's according to my past charts of course, which could be different this time because I am on a higher dose of Clomid.

I am going to start taking OPK's on CD 12 right after work at about 5pm. I will avoid drinking water two hours before the test as well, so we can be consistent. Then as soon as I start getting EWCM and other signs of O, I will start taking them two or three times per day, depending on how dark they are. All of my cycles so far have shown a nice progression from light to dark. Except my last one, which showed TWO progressions in OPK's! Ugh! But thankfully I was temping, so I caught my REAL ovulation day.

Sorry for the long post...emotionally I feel a little down. Honestly, I am feeling like it's just not going to happen. Why? Well, because I actually OVULATED the last two cycles. (Or at least Cycle #2. Cycle #1 could have just been a cyst.) And I know there's only a 20% chance that I'll get preggo each cycle anyway (with perfect spermies, eggies, etc...) So the likelihood that it will happen just isn't looking good. Plus, Brad is all stressed out and depressed and full of problems of his own. *sigh* I still have hope of course, and during the 2WW I am sure I will feel like I'm pregnant the whole time. After this cycle I'm not doing Clomid anymore. For awhile at least. I just really wish it would HAPPEN. Ugh.

Okay, I Lied a Little

Alright, alright. So hubby and I were driving a few days ago, talking about how we were "waiting" to keep TTC for a few months in order to lose some more weight. I just started my third cycle Tuesday. I mentioned that the "standard" Clomid regimen is three cycles, and usually people get pregnant by their third cycle or so. (Was this a subconcious ploy to convince him? I really didn't mean for it to sound that way as I had come to terms with waiting.) He looked at me perplexed and was like... "Really?? Well what the heck are we doing?? Let's do a third cycle!" I was surprised...but I figured, why not!? If three cycles is what it tends to take, and we stop at TWO and have to start all over again in a few months, that would suck.


So I went to the crotch doc Thursday. He said my chart was awesome but that I have a "Leuteal Phase defect" to which I sort of rolled my eyes. My temp dipped a teensy bit in this last LP, making my chart have a "U" shape (sort of). I think it's my thermometer...


Despite that, he said Clomid usually clears up any LP defects anyway. This time he DOUBLED MY DOSE TO 100mgs!!!! I took my second dose yesterday....

I am making a few changes to this cycle. This morning I got on the scale and the needle was right at 185. I want to lose 5-10lbs this cycle. I don't really care HOW MUCH I lose as long as I am doing the following:

- In the "Making Babies book, they suggest a diet very low in grains and high in vegetables, fruits, and protien. Of course. So I made a MEAL PLAN!!! And I bought all the food for it this weekend.

- I gotta follow the lap-band diet to a "T". No drinking with meals, no snacking, no soups.

- 30 minutes of moderate cardio 4 days per week. It's not that hard. I need to do it.

Supplements/Pills:
- 2000 mgs metformin/day.
- 100mgs Clomid CD 5-9
- Prenatal supplement taken at various intervals throughout the day. Many times we just pop a whole pill, and our bodies get rid of all the extra stuff it doesn't immediately use. So breaking the pill into thirds, and having one with each meal allows your body to better absorb all the vitamins and minerals.
- D-Chiro Inositol, two pills per day.

Wish me luck!! Third time's a charm! I WILL say one thing though. Going from 50mgs/day to 100mgs/day certainly makes the twinges in my ovaries STRONGER. Ow!!!