Thursday, September 24, 2009

Ahhh Clomid...

Up to this point, I have been very fortunate on my measly 50mgs of Clomid. No real side effects to speak of....some minor headaches, VERY minor hot flashes...but that's about it. I wouldn't have noticed if I weren't so "in tune" with my body now that I'm paying attention to ever grumble, twinge, pain, and tingle. The doc bumped me up to 100mgs, and I took my last dose yesterday. (Today is CD 10.)

I was prepared to have a complete mental breakdown this cycle - so when Brad and I got into a fight a few days ago, and I felt like I wanted to take a knife to his abdomen, I tried to calm myself down as I knew it was a result of the Clomid. Thankfully, while we were fighting he crept away in slight fear, but mostly confusion as I simmered in the house alone. I've been mad at him before (VERY mad) but I never felt physical pain from the anxiety and rage. My heart felt like it was going to choke me, my brain was so foggy I couldn't think. My chest hurt for a good 20 minutes later. I was too mad to throw anything, scream, or cry - but mostly mad because I knew my feelings weren't legitimate even though they felt so "real." Anyway, I wrote Brad an evil letter....then later we both laughed at it. I think I handled it pretty well - and it's the only "episode" I had.

I feel a lot more action from my ovaries, but in small waves. Little twinges of pain here and there as those follies develop. Lots of action is coming from leftie this cycle. Not much from rightie. Last cycle rightie was the active one, and the cycle before that leftie was being a total B word and a cyst ruptured. So definitely more noticeable.

The last and most horribly devastating side effect is my baldness. Okay, not really. But the other day I was looking in the mirror and I noticed that my hair in my "bangs" area was looking a little sparse. I figured it was just the way my hair was styled or something and passed it off. Then a few days later, I had my hair up and Brad said "are you going BALD??"....of course half joking, but half serious...he also passed it off as my hair style. But upon later inspection I realized my hair IS thinning!!! OMG!!!! And my formerly few chin hairs crept up from like 5 hairs...then up to 10....then like 20!!!! What is going on? I thought weight loss, metformin, and Clomid were supposed to HELP with this stuff?? I read that Clomid can cause alopecia (hair loss) in less than like .1% of women. Gee. Awesome. But it's reversible, so as soon as I'm off it it will thicken up again.

I am also taking the D-Chiro Inositol that I got from I haven't noticed any change in my hair...other than well...the fact that the OPPOSITE of what should be happening, is happening. Who knows...maybe the little capsules are filled with cornstarch?? I have to open them up and take the DCI in powder form. It tastes a little like sugar. But I've only been on it for about a week and they said it takes a few months...

Anyway. It's Cycle #3, and were are on day 10. I still have about 10 days until I ovulate or need to worry about it. That's according to my past charts of course, which could be different this time because I am on a higher dose of Clomid.

I am going to start taking OPK's on CD 12 right after work at about 5pm. I will avoid drinking water two hours before the test as well, so we can be consistent. Then as soon as I start getting EWCM and other signs of O, I will start taking them two or three times per day, depending on how dark they are. All of my cycles so far have shown a nice progression from light to dark. Except my last one, which showed TWO progressions in OPK's! Ugh! But thankfully I was temping, so I caught my REAL ovulation day.

Sorry for the long post...emotionally I feel a little down. Honestly, I am feeling like it's just not going to happen. Why? Well, because I actually OVULATED the last two cycles. (Or at least Cycle #2. Cycle #1 could have just been a cyst.) And I know there's only a 20% chance that I'll get preggo each cycle anyway (with perfect spermies, eggies, etc...) So the likelihood that it will happen just isn't looking good. Plus, Brad is all stressed out and depressed and full of problems of his own. *sigh* I still have hope of course, and during the 2WW I am sure I will feel like I'm pregnant the whole time. After this cycle I'm not doing Clomid anymore. For awhile at least. I just really wish it would HAPPEN. Ugh.


  1. Sigh.

    I'm sorry you feel down, the whole thing is definitely depressing (and technical). It's hard, but you can't focus on the percentages of likelihood of getting pregnant because even without any "help" the chance actually isn't all that high that things will line up perfectly right... but yet, when you're the one trying hard it sure seems unfair that every lousy Kardashian out there is getting knocked up while you aren't.

    Phooey on them. Someday you'll look back on all this and it'll be a distant memory.

    And then you'll go back to wiping poop and your hair will be as thick as ever (and will have spit up in it). Now, back to sending fertile thoughts your way...

  2. Isn't it funny how much we think about getting pregnant when we're trying to? Man. I used to never think about it.

    Just a tip on the hair loss (btw, that totally blows). I'm a licensed (but not currently practicing) cosmetologist, and Nioxin is amazing for hair loss. You'll have to go a beauty supply or salon to buy it (and it's expensive), but I know tons of people swear by it. Just an option, if you so choose.

    I hope this month is it! For both of us!

  3. Hon, you have to try and not think about it. Thinking about it will stress you out and that will scare the sperm! :) So de-stress... relax... this is your month. Just keep telling yourself, "this is my month, I have nothing to worry about, this is my month" :)

  4. Maybe you could use my method of desensitizing yourself(see my blog post from today. The one BELOW my post about your post about your blog design hiree and screamin' dealio. Ok, I won't make you go look.

    And if that doesn't work? Maybe it will help you feel better to know that a few of those pounds you wanted to loose this cycle showed up on my doorstep. All forlorn and sad at being rejected from you without so much as a single tear down your face.

    So I took them in and made them feel right at home.

    You're welcome.

  5. This time is stressful. Give the Clomid a little more time. It was when they increased my dose that I got pregnant.

    For me the Clomid gave me a bloated feeling. I would totally feel my ovaries spitting out the eggs and that was when we were supposed to do stuff. It is not fun doing stuff and you are feeling bloated.

    I wish you luck!

  6. Hi, I just found your blog via An Infertile Blog - I had no idea that hair loss was a side effect of Clomid! Crazy! I'm on my first cycle and will now spend the next 20 minutes examining my hairline and looking for bald spots :)

    Hope this round works for you.


Thanks so much for your support!