PAUSE! (We're halfway there!)

I know this is really soon to be "pausing" our babymaking considering we've only been at this officially for two months (and unofficially for three years), but I have good reason and let me explain why.

I am a hypocrite. I see all these overweight women with PCOS, and I think I know what they are going through. They WANT to diet, and TRY to diet....but it just doesn't work. I've been there, and I AM there. I say "Oh, I eat right and exercise." To a point. The fact is, if we all (meaning fat people with PCOS) just shut up, ate vegetables, chicken, fish, low sugar fruits, and ACTUALLY got 30 minutes or more of cardio per day (and did this all for more than one week) we would lose weight. While I'd love to think so, there's no magical "gene" that prevents weight loss with actual EFFORT, will, and determination. Many are genetically predispositioned to be larger (or to crave cookies and fries more often), and yes it IS more difficult to lose weight. But the fact is, if we actually worked our absolute hardest, we could lose the weight. It's mathmatical and scientific and all that crap...it's the emotional part that "gets us." I sometimes like to think that I "can't lose weight no matter how hard I try." But really, we try and give up or "fall off the wagon" - and through little failures like KFC and the couch - manage to keep our weight on. On one week, off one week, on one week, and it goes on. All this emotional turmoil of TTC could easily be solved (for me at least) with one simple solution. LOSE MORE WEIGHT.

I think people who are Trying to Conceive don't place enough emphasis on nutrition and weight. I am reading this book right now called "Making Babies" and it's REALLY a good book. Almost as good as Taking Charge of Your Fertility. But it has a lot of great information on foods that help fertility and has a three month plan on preparing yourself for optimum conception.

All this sort of culminated last night when my husband and I were at the peak of frustration. Him, being a man, didn't really understand the work and effort it takes to chart, and check your CM, and be worried all the time about what your OPK's mean, etc... So of course he said the most insensitive thing in the world - "Well, it's not like you're really TRYING anymore. You're just eating whatever you want which is the problem with your ovaries in the first place." Or something to that effect. Once I got over the initial shock, sadness, anger...I realized...my Gawd. He's RIGHT. Then I proceeded to hate myself until I fell asleep.

While husbands can be dense and uncouth, they can make good points. Especially ones like my husband who WOULD tell me I look fat in a dress if I asked. But the point is, the most common reason for PCOS is being overweight (sorry to you thin cysters...so unfair) and therefore the most simple solution would be weight loss. Well, I DID lose weight. Just not enough. So instead of focusing on my piddly weight loss, I need to focus on the fact that - my gawd - my BMI still says that I'm "obese."

So here's the deal. I am going to lose 27lbs. Right now I am part of an AWESOME 25lbs cyster challenge which is actually PERFECT. But not quiiiite enough. Why?....

I am currently 190lbs. (Give or take...on a bad day.) If I lose 27lbs, I will be in a whole other class of BMI!! Instead of being in the "obese" category, I will be in the "overweight" category at 163lbs! I could go ahead and do the extra "3" pounds but the moment I get to 165 I will probably celebrate early. So let's just go with 163.

I have no idea how long it will take me to lose that amount of weight. It could be one month, it could be five months. It could be even longer, but we won't talk about that. I have lost 25lbs in one month before, but I've also gained 40lbs in three months. I am just going to lose as much weight as I possibly can, as fast as I possibly can. (In a healthy way!) I did it once, now I just need to keep going!

When I am 163 we will address the issue of getting to the "healthy weight" BMI range. Which would mean ANOTHER 27lbs.

54lbs to a healthy weight? Strange, I am down exactly 54lbs from my fattest weight ever. Halfway there!