Friday, October 2, 2009

The Top 10 Dumbest Comments Non-Infertile People Make

It's nice when family and friends who aren't TTC attempt to console you as you're trying to get pregnant. But here are the worst things you can possibly say to an infertile woman...

You can always adopt!

Gee, you think? That'll make me feel better about my uterus being completely barren. Basically you're saying "there's no hope..."

I'll be your surrogate!

Or you could just slap me in the face and scream "I know I'm fertile and you're NOT! HAHA!"

Don't worry, it will happen when you stop trying.

Just because it happened to YOU by accident, doesn't mean it will for me.

Just relax! Don't stress or it won't happen!

Okay, so all the stressed out people of the world are just practicing good birth control?

Have you tried In-Vitro Fertilization?

Well, I was looking for a way to spend that extra $10,000 I had laying around. Thanks for the idea! This is yet another last ditch effort, before adoption.

Just enjoy the time you have with each other now!

I've been "enjoying" our time together for 6 years. I'm ready to mix it up a little.

At least you can go on vacations, to the movies, etc... without a babysitter!

Sure - I'd love to leave a legacy of movie watching and vacations behind after I die.

Oh just wait, you'll be in labor/wiping poopy butts and think twice about wanting a baby!

No way! Dangit...I thought babies were all sunshine and kisses. I guess all my fertility treatments were for nothing because I don't want to have to change a diaper or go into labor. Ugh. I had NO clue that I was in store for that sort of responsibility and pain. Thanks for warning me.

Have you tried (insert random Chinese herbal remedy/Kama Sutra position here)?

No. I did not try the Downward Facing Dog while having sex and drinking tea infused with cloves and raspberries and rubbing EVOO over my body while massaging my uterus and humming. I know everyone else on the planet probably has to do that in order to get pregnant, but I'll pass.

And one of the worst things people do is NOT telling you when someone is pregnant, or someone is having a baby shower because they think you'll turn into Godzilla. I might THINK about breathing fire into their fertile faces, but I still want an excuse to talk, think, and shop everything BABY!


  1. Love it and AMEN! Joobilee (SoulCyster)

  2. April, that's fabulous! Gave me a laugh i really needed today :-) (redsoxfan)

  3. Sister, if you had a dime for every single ill thought uttered piece of garbage on this planet, you could buy yourself every pretty purse you've every coveted and then some.

    It feels painful to hear these things now because you are in the middle of wondering why you aren't pregnant and wondering when you will be. Just remember, if it's a stranger(and by stranger I mean someone who's never left a comment on your blog(s). As in, not me.), they were most likely well meaning if ill spoken. And if it's a friend? Well, then, you're on your own. But later on, in the middle of poopy duty, you will see with better clarity that anything offered to you through this place in your life was really meant to help.

    Even if it doesn't.

    Until you get to Poopy Duty Clarity, do what you can to filter it out. It's all you can do.

    Unless you own boxing gloves.

    Or Knuckles.

  4. (this from a lady who is most definitely NOT trying to get pregnant. Much less getting supportive advice that isn't really advice. Or supportive. Speaking of supportive....I need a new bra)

  5. Well said. I'm ttc too. It sucks.

  6. Worded perfectly. Can we blast that in every other fertile person's face? Or at least all over the internet so people learn how to SHUT THE EFF UP when they have NO room to talk, kthanks.=)

  7. I LOVE the post about "I'll be your surrogate" because not only is it a slap in the face that we aren't fertile and they are, but it's like if you really are supportive and want to encourage me you wouldn't be saying that because if I wanted a surrogate I would have hired one, not asked my BFF to do it for me! And plus why would I put my body through everything I have if in the end I just handed over the duty to someone else...unless it was the only option left. My BFF thought it was consoling to offer me this but really it made me want to scream and punch someone (ie HER!)

  8. More people need to read this!

  9. Haha, I enjoyed this post...and I found that I'm GUILTY of having said some of these things before! I think I mostly enjoyed it because I recently wrote a "ten things to NOT say to a work-out-of-the-home-mom" blog that's very similar. I like the comments that you got better, though. I got comments back about how I'm being to sensitive and such things. Yeah, okay. You try it and see how it feels...

  10. You are going to be so happy that you have this blog to document your fertility journey. I too have been on the infertile roller coaster and know all too well what you're going through. It took us five years TTC for our first son and then our second son was two years TTC with three clomid cycles and two IVF cycles. I so wish I would have blogged our experiences at the time. I really wish you all the best and I pray that you will be getting happy news soon. If you ever have questions or just need some encouragement from someone who's been there please send me an email.

  11. Hehe, love it. I've heard about half of these and we aren't open about ttc in real life.

    Even my DOCTOR, my primary care physician said we should "just relax". Wtf, lady? You have a medical degree and, thus, the knowledge that "relaxing" doesn't make a woman ovulate!!

    Legally_Michelle (from SC)

  12. a-effing-men! LOVE this blog... EVERY ONE of those was told to me and still is... damn those fertiles!! LOL

  13. So true! My hubby and I have been ttc for almost 4 years now and I hear those comments ALL-The-TIME! It's horrible how little people really understand that those comments hurt.. Way to put your funny twist on it. Love it!


Thanks so much for your support!